at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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