The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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