I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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