I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
