My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
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