Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
