I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Randomize
