My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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