plz talk dirty to me
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
