Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
