it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Randomize
