singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
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