i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
