I need help removing her.
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
