WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
