This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
