It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Randomize
