he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
