You can't motorboat a personality
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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