My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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