So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
