My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
