btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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