The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
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