dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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