operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
