Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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