I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Randomize
