she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
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