so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
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tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
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Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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