Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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