with your own penis?
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Randomize
