Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Randomize
