Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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