I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
