You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
