I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
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