One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
