HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
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I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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