you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
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