can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
not ubering you a puppy
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize