Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Randomize
