guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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