guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Randomize
