If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Randomize