The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
