I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
