Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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