Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
