I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Randomize
