I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Randomize
