sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
