the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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