Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
You were trust falling into bushes
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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