1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
