I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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