my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
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I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
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In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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