Screwed.edu
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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