just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
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