is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
