I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
