My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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