it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
