youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Randomize
