oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
