I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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