Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
