We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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