Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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