I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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