I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
