what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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