I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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