I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
