Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize
