last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
