I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Randomize