Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
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