Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
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