i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Randomize
